Thursday, November 10, 2005

Crossing the Abyss has been a solo flight...

So I'm on vacation this week...not by choice but because I had to use it or lose the time off for the rest of the year. Well no one else has been around during the days so I've been spending a lot of time watching movies, working out...and...eating. Overall it's been rather boring and my workouts have been less spirited than usual and I think that's also in part to some rather bad eating on my part. I have had a few personal setbacks outside of BFL this week as well so that's another things that's weighed me down a bit as well. Overall it seems that everyone I know either wants to go out drinking, see a movie or just lounge around on the couch. I on the other hand am wanting to go out and get out of the house and do something active, take some photographs, go on a road trip, go hiking and then...maybe end it with a movie, a drink or too and then lounge on the couch. It's heartbreaking to realize that a majority of the friends I made were as a result of the old lethargic Jeremy and now, like the new clothes I'm having to buy, I may need to start looking for some more friends.

I was reading Jim Shelton's Blog and noticed that he was having problems relating to a lot of his friends that he had had for 17 years and realized that perhaps I'm going through the same thing. I'm meeting a lot of wonderfully active and interesting people through the online forums on the bodyforlifetracker as well as the individual blogs, but overall none of them live less than an hour's drive from me and thus it's fun to interact online but I would rather get some time offline as well. You folks are wonderful, don't get me wrong, but unless I'm actually hanging out and interacting with you online, there is still an element, a closeness of interaction that you miss that you normally get with your close friends locally.

I'm happy I've made the decision to go, I feel like I've made a choice to join an elite and disciplined group of people and thus my past life is going to be shaken up by that. But I'm still sad that as I'm moving into a different area of my life that I'm finding myself shedding some deep rooted parts as well and that hurts a bit. I'm finding that my mind and emotions aren't always changing as rapidly as my physical body and thus I may begin to look like a different person on the outside I do realize that I still have some work to do on the inside.

I love you guys and I hope that you are all having a great day :)


Blogger Howard said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:54 PM  
Blogger Supergirl said...

It's natural to be sad by this but at least you are growing spiritually and are helping yourself evolve as a human being. I think it's good to let go of the things that aren't serving us anymore.

JeremyJeremyJeremyJeremyJeremy :D Good name.

4:18 PM  
Blogger PartTimeMom said...

I suppose this is kind of like what I went through when I got divorced. I found that I had to let go of those people who didn't understand what I was doing and why. yes it hurts, but some hurts are worth it because what you gain for yourself.

When you think about it it kind of makes a nice annolgy. You're divorcing your old self - those who want to stay with that 'old you' will have to be 'his friends' from now on.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

Jeremy I totally understand what you are saying. I haven't lost my friends due to BFL...for me it was a divorce and now I am finding that my married girl friends just aren't in the same place that I am mentally now. If I had the time to go out and make new friends (which I don't lol), I think I would be joining a hiking club, or kayaking group etc. Some place where I could find other active people. I love that my blog friends can understand my obsession with working out and eating healthy...most people can't.

As for the abyss...I had an AHA moment yesterday that is shedding some light on why I haven't been able to cross it. I am teetering on the edge...I can feel it :)

1:20 PM  

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