10 Things I know about myself

Things I think about when I can't get any sleep...A Jeremy Original

1. A Monistat 7 or Get Tested for HIV banner add will pop up everytime that a really cute girl looks at my profile. Killing any chance I have to be witty and charming.
2. 12 Jack and Cokes will never change the laws of physics should you flirt with the girlfriend a 6'8" 350 pound football player at your local bar. The pain is just delayed until you come out of the coma.
3. Somewhere there is intelligent life looking at this planet, seeing me trip, tear down the curtains in my living room while simultaneously flinging hot coffee onto my freshly starched white shirt and with a resigned sigh are reporting to their superiors that the search for intelligent life in this universe continues.
4. My cat is planning my untimely demise
5. When Hell freezes over I'll be rich, good looking and have my final manuscript ready to submit to a publisher.
6. I'm the product of a drunken one night stand between Murphey's Law and Instant Karma.
7. The warm spot on the back of my head isn't sunlight but the reflection from that hitman's sniper scope letting me know all to late that the public library is too damn serious about that overdue library book.
8. Reading about Freddie Prinze Jr. causes kidney stones.
9. Blogs, IMDB.com and comic books are just another shadow government conspiracy designed to keep me from Nobel Prize winning work.
10. An autographed copy of my profile picture will get you 2 bucks on ebay and executed in most of South America.