Friday, August 18, 2006

My blends are better than your blends...

A review of the forum "my blends are better than your blends"

The latest in the craze to find a new "Tracker" brings us to the forum "My blends are better than your blends." Finally the R-rated tracker trolls have their own little cage to play in and bless them for it. First off let me state that I'm glad it's private as I hate going to the zoo and seeing monkeys throwing shit at each other. It's smelly, stinky, cliche and it loses it's appeal fairly quickly. Much like their juvenile brand of humor but more on that later. Secondly I must applaud their originality in their name as well. I mean I'm just amazed at the ingenuity, creativity and original think that went into the name "My blends are better than your blends." I mean that's the kind of creativity I haven't seen since the classic "I know you are but what am I" followed closely by the "you're cool....NOT!!" phrase which had the shelf life of M.C. Hammer and Vanilla Ice. Lastly it speaks volumes to their obvious lack of intelligence, general creativity and low self-confidence that they start a website designed to hate on other people. Hmmmm sounds a lot like the rise of National Socialism party in Prussia aka Nazi Germany. But I digress...on to the review.

The first thing you notice when you see the splash page is sheer quality. You know you're in the throes of a very stupid operation when the first thing you notice is "bullshit" misspelled as "blueshit." But wait there's more. In their rush to make it feel more like tracker they've created a site that may have MORE pop up ads if that's possible. First rule of the forum? Don't talk about the forum. Second rule of the forum? Don't talk about the forum. Third rule of the forum? Don't talk about the forum. Fourth rule of the forum? You don't use a cheap ass message board just because it's free. You see freeware is short hand for "we would still be doing doing prison time if we actually charged you for this software." Thus when you create a board it helps to A) Buy some server space and B) Shell out for some decent forum software. Total out of pocket you're maybe less a hundred bucks in startup and less than 10 bucks a month in webspace. But when did the trolls ever care about quality or creativity? Most of them probably feel that inane trivia questions for free laps tops and ipods are a small price to pay so they can feel like frugal finance wizards while they check the tire pressure on their homes. Lastly...where are the inflammatory images and pictures of blends with devil horns, mustaches or faces superimposed on fat bodies or in the middle of homosexual orgies? Seriously I'm offended they didn't make it more offensive.

Now I haven't tried to join up yet although as it's tempting to lurk. I think I'll be more offended because they probably don't have a special place to hate on me. Thus I'll just wing the rest of the review based on my assumptions of the actual forum content. I imagine it's a lot like the little yellow short bus for all the haters who couldn't win us over with their humor. A sort of Special Olympics if you will. They realized they couldn't get laughs in the real world and thus they all get together and laugh at their lame jokes, slap each other on the back and everybody wins. You know who else laughs at their own jokes? Schizophrenics. I'm sure we can all guess who their members are and the kinds of moronic behavior they engage in. Hey it's their forum and they can do what they want.

Why do I even care? Well mostly they are calling out the myblends forum by name. But I think it's something more. Something more insidious than that. Bottom line...they just aren't funny, more like an annoying mosquito. Anyone can be offensive but it take pure genius to make it funny. If you really want lessons on how to be offensive and still be funny check out Lewis Black, George Carlin, Dennis Leary, Bill Hicks, Howard Stern and many others who have stood the test of time. They were offensive yet knew how to be creative enough to win univeral laughs. The R-Rated forum twits? Their dick and fart jokes didn't even rate a chuckle save from their own cronies. I'm not offended by the kind of topics they made jokes about I'm offended at how bad they were at it. But again low IQ's breed lame ideas, and eventually they have found themselves corraled in one place laughing at each other for support like high school virgins in a pathetic circle jerk. Reading much of their "humor" in the past reminds me that they are to humor what fan fiction writers are to the sci/fantasy genre: a group of people that have no talent and shouldn't quit their day job. Frankly the refrigerator artwork of the average 3 year old holds more potential for greatness.

In conclusion I give their site 1 out 5 start only on the fact that they started their own support forum. Somebody has to laugh at these people since no one else does.


Blogger Jess said...

OMG. This is great. This is humor. This is FUNNY!

I, for one, am happy they started their own forum that nobody can see. They get to still be assholes, but the people they're hating on can't see it. Win-win.

Hey Jeremy...

I know you are, but what am I?

8:33 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

LOL, I loved this! I am not sure how I missed your blog previously! You are hilarious!!

Keep up the great work with your 5K goals. You *will* make it! Just takes perserverence!

11:13 AM  
Blogger Thisisit! said...

mannnn! how did I miss this. I might have to hunt you down ont he im for details ;P

2:33 PM  
Blogger zooman said...

After reading this post I will have to give it 5 out of 5 stars, for it's humor which had me rolling,how well it pointed out the actions of the "others" and the fact this author knew, that besides us humans, there are primates that like to sling poo.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Connie said...


9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree, this was hilarious!

7:15 AM  
Blogger KatieFeldmom said...

Love it!

2:08 PM  
Blogger FV Tom said...

Nice work! Your writing skills are shining through.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Pamela said...

OK so again I missed things.. Guess really I just don't CARE ! :P

AWESOME REVEIW Jeremy..just the right "blend" of dry & witty ! LOVE it!

10:26 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

One question. How the heck am I supposed to get attention NOW when I can't even see the attention I'm getting?? Or got...

I'm afraid I'm going to lose my attention whore status. Woe is me.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Irene said...

Hehehehe... Too funny but right on the money!

Thanks for visiting my blog! :)

5:00 PM  

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