Friday, December 02, 2005

I'm going fucking nuts....

Well I had the day off today to go to a funeral. It was a friends grandfather that I got to know and since I'm close to the family as well I decided that I would go. Well I get dressed today, ironed everything, looked nice, picked up my friend and we go to her grandparents house. Walk in the door and everyone is wearing sweatpants or jeans. The service is tommorow instead of today. Yeah.

Still haven't seen the cute girl from the gym anymore...then again I've only been to the gym once this week due to more work bullshit cutting into my time. For those of you that don't know, I work from 12 pm to about 12 or 1 am about 4-5 days a week. It's a bad shift not because of the hours, but because of when I work, as when I'm off of work everyone I know is either asleep or at work and thus I don't get any social interaction until the weekend. Soooo...I have to communicate with people via IM or email. Thus my normal everyday life has been reduced to a digital lifestyle and yes I realize that complaining about it on an online blog is just dripping with irony as well. I work hard at my job and I think I make a difference, however, it's hard to make new friends or more to the point maintain any kind of dating relationship when I can't talk to them during the week face to face or just hear their voice.

I know that a lot of people and indeed some of you may have the same problem but lately the frustration has really been getting to me as I can't meet people unless, you guessed it, the spend most of their time online as well and frankly I'm in front of a computer all day as it is and the last thing I want when I get off of work is to get back on it at home to meet new people thru it. It's actually not a bad medium at all but it becomes see tedious and tiresome because you just don't get the same reaction from people over emails and IM that you do when you actually interact with them away from an electronic device.

I've been seriously debating leaving my job sometime this summer after all the bonuses get paid out and taking a possible layoff package and figuring out something else I would really like to do with my life. I make a really nice salary with my current position but I've come to the conclusion that the money is nice but I'm really not getting anything out of life these days but a paycheck and I'm missing out on so much and that's in addition to the fact that my job isn't terribly satisfying anymore. I no longer find anything fulfilling about fixing and maintaining networks for large, pissy, spoiled and otherwise ungrateful corporate customers who want nothing more than to find something wrong with anything in the way we operate in order to recoup any possible money. It's a twisted game of upper management needling that I've become an unwilling pawn of for a long time because they paid me to do it and I'm tired of it. I'd much rather make a smaller salary, do a job I love and enjoy the fruits of life and that's something that Body for Life has been teaching me: Anything is possible if you set you mind to it. So in the next few months I might either wind up changing jobs or finding something in this company that allows me to have a better balance of life and work as lately this isn't cutting it.

Now...back to the girl. I'm really really really hoping I see her again as I'm worried that she and I are on completely different schedules and just happened to be there at the same time. When I got to the gym I always see the same people at least once or twice a week if not more, in the 10 weeks I've been at my gym I've seen her once. This is kinda pathetic as everyone else has problems with their significant others that seem to at least be constructive in that they see and communicate with these people...I on the other hand am smitten by someone I may or may not see again which is yet another large piece of wood to beat my head on.

Okay I'm tired of venting. I'm going to head to bed now. Goodnight all.

4 Comments:

Blogger Thisisit! said...

:( sorry charlie... bad day, huh? Don't worry, this too shall pass! Big hug, Carol

10:21 AM  
Blogger Supergirl said...

..."the money is nice but I'm not really not getting anything out of life these days but a paycheck..."
That said it all right there my friend. Run with that and start thinking about what you really want. Maybe you can make some future goals and start making some changes. Maybe the current job is a safe place to be because it's a good job and pays your bills but if overall you're not feeling tremendously happy in your life, you can change that. My motto is The biggest risks offer the biggest rewards. I believe this to be true and I try to live by it. As for the girl...I hope your paths cross again. xo

11:12 AM  
Blogger KatieFeldmom said...

Hope that you find the answers that you need with regard to the job and the girl. Feel better soon.

11:13 AM  
Blogger PartTimeMom said...

..."the money is nice but I'm not really not getting anything out of life these days but a paycheck..."


I agree with supergirl. You've hit on an important point. I often feel trapped in my job because of my salary, but I'm lucky enough to see the carrot of a more fullfilling job up the ladder.

Stepping away from security takes guts, but most people I know who have done it say it's more the worth it.

Good luck!

2:22 PM  

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