Twins update...

No not THOSE twins...but the twins Lori and Casey!! That's right folks I had a meeing with two blends today which topped of my vacation. I've suspected it for a long time but definitely confirmed that Lori and Casey are two incredibly wonderful people. We met at an Applebees in Olathe and hung out eating and chatting for about an hour and overall it was a great time. It's nice to actually meet and see people in person and get the three-dimensional aspect of who the look, act and sound when they speak. Sorry that I couldn't get a better look at the other twins folks but Casey had a gun and if you want to know more about them you'll have to do it yourself!! They were really cool people and the next time I'm in Olathe visting my parents I will definitely try to hook with them again. Thanks for the meeting guys!!

Christmas aftermath...

Well I'm still mostly alive and I haven't gained any large amounts of weight back but we'll see. It's been amazing at how great I've felt this time around. I'm used to being the overweight brother and pigging out with dad. This time, I got off the plane and everyone was AMAZED at how much different I looked. What was even better was that my parents looked great and seemed to be losing weight as well which means that they seem to be wanting to make some changes in their lives as well. Well xmas has come and gone, got the usual stocking craziness (candy, weird toys and gold toe socks), some great gifts (DVDS, DVDS, DVDS) and a wonderful time with my sister in law's family for xmas dinner. My brother and SIL are leaving today and then I have tommorow and then I'm leaving on Thursday. Lori (Sweetemotion) and I are trading phone calls as she's working a schedule similar to mine during the week so hopefully we can work something out! Otherwise it's frankly been pretty boring...lots of cards, movies and not a whole lot else. I think I'm bored because in the past when I wasn't as active I didn't mind that. Now that I am active I'm needing a lot more stimulation to keep my interests up. Has anyone else experienced this kind of restlessness after getting all this energy back?

Happy Holidays...

I want to wish a warm welcome to all of the folks I've met on here and thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart for being there to support me, make me laugh, put me in my place when necessary and most of all become some of the best friends I've never met. I'm in Olathe, KS with my family for the holidays so hopefully I'll be able to catch up with Casey and Lori sometime while I'm here. We've exchanged phone numbers so I hope to give them a call ASAP or at least at sometime of the evening when most people aren't asleep :) So if you're both reading this I'm in town as of this writing and I'll be contacting you soon.

So I want to express a feeling I've been having lately and maybe some of you have run into something similar since you've been doing body for life and no for once this has nothing to do with the tracker or gym girl. It's about the inexplicable feeling I've been having ever since I started Body For life in October. I've been having this nagging feeling that something wasn't right, that maybe I was constantly forgetting something or that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's been in the back of my mind in small place, not really taking control, but still there. As I was getting onto the place this afternoon I realized what it was: I was happy. I know that's weird, but I've been so used to being out of control or allowing things to happen that I didn't realize that since I started doing Body For Life and even really since July after kicking the fast food/soda habit that I had started making improvements in my life that were lifting a lot of the blocks, barriers and self imposed chains that had kept me down. Let me expain this a little more.

Ever since I left high school I've battled depression, dissapointment and a constant battle with my self image. I'm sure we've all been down this road and like many of you it became second nature. I had accepted that I was probably at my peak condition and began to get comfortable with things. However that never sat well with me either as in the back of my mind I always knew I was underacheiving in so many areas. However, a few setbacks in love, jobs and creative/academic pursuits had left a bad taste in my mouth for anymore ambitious adventures as the fall always seemed harder everytime. I didn't realize it at the time but I was self sabotaging myself a lot and not doing things I KNEW I should be doing. I soon began making half assed efforts at everything in my life because I figured if i were to do the expected bare minimum and expect failure than I would never fall as hard and hey if I didn't fail then that was gravy.

I went thought a rough 2005 but started finding little outlets that I had let go of long ago and started trying them again. Drawing, creative writing, becoming a little more assertive at work and yes...health and exercise. Instead of trying these grandiose schemes and making a big production of everything I started making small steps towards success. The more steps I took the more it seemed I was chipping away at this self imposed prison of self sabotage and more to the point self loathing. After keeping a slow but steady pace of practice and tiny but dogged determination I slowly began to excel at and even master those things that seemed impossible in the past. Sure they were small little tidbit and details but the point is that as I did this my confidence began to build. I began to start taking on larger projects and even dreaming that grand what if's I hadn't dared in the past. Funny thing is I wasn't falling down anymore, if anything I slipped but would manage to hang on and regain my footing and start climbing again.

So as I was standing in line for the plane all of this hit me at once. I wasn't feeling strange because I was depressed; it was because I was happy!! Yes weird isn't it? It wasn't the "Oh shit I can't handle happy" weird it was the "whoa I'm happy and I need to start enjoying it" elation that I hadn't felt before. I guess the best analogy I could think of would be that after a period of steady progress you find yourself a multi-millionaire without realizing it. All of a sudden you're in control of your financial future and you no longer have to worry about whether or not you can afford the things in life but how many colors they come in and the quantity you want to purchase. All of a sudden I have an abundance of happiness and it's burning a hold in my pocket so to speak and all of a sudden I feel like I've been released from a prison. That nagging feeling wasn't that I had forgot something or that I was waiting for the show to drop it was the abundance of doors I had open before me now and my inablity to decide which one to go through first!

If my biggest and most immediate problem is where to succeed first then that's a problem I really don't think I mind being stuck with. Thanks again for all of your love and support and although I'm with my family this Holiday I'm still around and thinking of each of you as though you were my family and hoping that you all are having a safe, warm and incredible happy holiday.

P.S. If you go through the metal detector at the airport please make sure you remove all condoms from your cargo pants as the foil wrapper sets it off and might embarass you a tad when you have to produce the offending object from your clothing. Again another thing I probably should have shut my mouth about but it was just too funny not share with you guys :)

Happy Holidays,

Your favorite Idiot...Jeremy

2005 in review

I stole this from Katiefeldmom and it seems to help me keep an eye on the good and bad times.

January - Felt a distubance in the force that was the beginning of a bittersweet year. Broke up with Laurel for the 2nd time.

February - Bought a new car, rear ended in said car a week later by a drunk driver. Got back together with Laurel.

March - Laurel and I agree to move in together, then later she decides that perhaps that wasn't the best idea.

April - Laurel unofficially started spending most of her time at my place despite not wanting to live with me. I begin to start my "Office Space" phase of hating my job and really being a lazy bastard.

May - My best friend get's married, I am the best man and perform an impromptu toast somehow weaving in the movie Lethal Weapon 1,2,3 and 4 and being told numerous time afterwards that it was the best speech they had ever heard. People were obviously drunker than I was. Laurel's cat has kittens which include my Charly.

June - Laurel and I breakup. Finito. The End. Of course we still have stupid sex until August. "Office Space" mode goes up a notch when I start asking about the layoff package at work.

July - I turn 32 and start realizing my mortality is in danger when I tip the scales at around 230 lbs. Mortified I immediately stop eating burges and fries 2-3 times a day, cut back on the sodas, and still amazingly have tepid sex with my ex gf. Also at this time I resist but finally take in Charly as my first pet in 10 year. It was a great decision.

August - The Geico check comes in the mail for the damages to my car. I realize that I'm never going to get laid off and so I decide that I'll put it in a fund to lay myself off with my own money and move to some crazy place and start over. Laurel and I stop having sex completely when she meets her new boyfriend and for the first time in a long time I start to get the kind of perspective that would lead me to Body For Life.

September - "Office Space" officially works. I get promoted and put in charge of a few underlings. WTF? But hey apparently the didn't want me to leave. Laurel and I have a vicious fight and have what I assumed was the last words spoken to each other. I pick up my long discarded Body For Life book, dust it off and somehow find the BFL tracker and begin to lurk.

October - I'm a bridesmaid for my friend Laura's wedding. Don't laugh it was mixed genders on both sides. I being a two week food and exercise boot camp. Oct 17th I officially start my first day of Body For Life and met most of you reading this blog through the tracker.

November - Nov 6 I officially became a blogger/blend kinda person. First person to comment was Mari and gotten nothing done since then :) I also had the first official sighting of "Gym Girl" at this time.

December - Officially given raise to go along with promotion. Helped start a ruckus to reclaim the tracker in not only posting on the tracker but selling thongs, boxers and doggie sweaters. Julie Whitt left us but not her legacy. Hoping to end 2005 with a postive thrust to end my challenge on Jan 8th with a smile on my face.

Putting my money where my mouth is...

Okay folks I've sent an email to the webmaster for the tracker asking for 3 of the following things to happen:

1. Jump in and moderate/cleanup the site
2. Allow some of us to help moderate the site
3. Allow me to make an offer to buy the site kit kat and kaboodle and run it myself.

Now I think we've all done a great job trying to self moderate the site. I'm just taking some extra steps and offering MORE incentive to keep it up and running in a way that works for everyone. If anyone wants to help out in this venture either financially or to volunteer as a moderator please let me know!

Below is the email I sent:

John,

First and foremost I want to commend you on the the Body for Life Tracker website.
If I had not found this forum I never would have saved my life by sticking with
the body for life program. I think you from the bottom of my heart for creating
this incredibly helpful site. That being said I would like to make some suggestions
and hopefully provide some realistic solutions. I'm not sure if you're aware of
the problems we are experiencing on the bodyforlife-tracker website but I would
like to bring them to your attention and additionally provide a few constructive
ideas to make it a better place for everyone.

The Problems:

1. Too little moderator activity and intervention when topics and threads are getting
out of control causing people to leave.
2. Apparently there are rumors of people requesting nude pictures via Private Message.
I'm not sure if you've been made aware of this but I believe this is a violation
of the Code of Conduct and requires immediate intervention.
3. The tracker seems to be getting stale and lots of people are complaining about
the tools and lack of functionality that they are finding on other websites.
4. Paying members are extremely frustrated at the lack of response from the webmaster
and feel that their money is being wasted.

The Solutions:

1. Start answering the emails or post a new thread telling us your plans for the
tracker and begin addressing concerns that people have.
2. I would volunteer my time as a moderator for threads as well as helping maintain
the site, up to and possible including financial responsibility of some kind if
you're feeling overwhelmed or not interested in doing it yourself.
3. Ask members what tools they use and what tools they would like to see. Check
with your users to find out what you can do to make the tracker better.
4. Finally if you are interested, I would like to ask you would be interested in
selling the domain name and rights, etc to www.bodyforlife-tracker.com to an interested
party that would run, update and maintain the site.

As a person with a technical job myself and a social life to maintain I understand
that you more than likely started this site to help people with their Body for Life
programs as a means of support. Perhaps you've come under financial hardships, you've
stopped the program and don't find any passion in updating the website or simply
you just don't have the time and you're not sure what to do about it. Well we love
the tracker and a number of us are willing to help you out with any of the 4 solutions
I've presented. I would appreciate any ideas you have and would certainly be willing
to help you out in any way possible.

Thanks

Jeremy/Havlow

Seven...yeah you know the rest...

The Seven Sevens
Seven Things To Do Before I Die (In not particular order)

1. Sky Dive
2. Write a Book
3. Draw a self portrait that I can be happy with
4. Visit the world
5. Let all of the anger go
6. Meet my soul mate
7. Get my cat fixed :)

Seven Things I Cannot Do

1. Anything remotely cool while drinking
2. Speak a foreign language
3. Get Filthy Rich
4. Dunk a basketball
5. Math
6. Run for a long time without tripping over something
7. Stand idly by when the tracker is full of morons :)

Seven Things That I Admire in Others

1. Patience
2. Intelligence
3. Creativity
4. Passion
5. Self Sufficiency
6. The ability to love completely
7. A great laugh

Seven Things I Say Most Often

1. No Worries
2. Indeed
3. Holy BeJeezus (usually when I see a lot of network outages at work)
4. Holy Fuck Balls!! (usually when I see an insane amount of network outages at work)
5. Yup
6. Rock on
7. Scumbag (term of affection for a few of my friends)

Seven Books I Love

1. Blood Sucking Fiends
2. Fluke
3. Good Omens (yeah me too Carol!!)
4. Crisis on Infinite Earths (Comic Mini Series I loved as a kid)
5. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
6. If Chins Could Talk: Confessions of a B Movie Actor
7. Wuthering Heights (Yes I'm a guy and I admit loving this book)

Seven Movies I Have Watched Over and Over Again

1. The Blues Brothers
2. Big Trouble in Little China
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. The Alien Movies
5. Amelie
6. Real Genius
7. Superman

Seven People I Want to Join in Too

1. Anyone
2. Who
3. Hasn't
4. Done
5. This
6. Yet
7. That means you...yeah you...I'm talking to you...

She had passion

As I discovered today that Julie Whitt has passed away I was overcome with an incredible range of emotions for someone that I had never met. When I first joined the BFL tracker one of the first links I click on was the success stories. I wanted to see if the program really worked and whether or not it was all a farce. What I found there was a beautiful bright eyed woman who had taken an affliction and turned the tables on it. Julie Whitt was an inspiration to a then 225 lb 32 year old man who hated his job, hated his body and didn't have too many nice things to say about the rest of his life either. I found something in her words, her story and her ability to fight despite all of the odds against her; I found passion. It's been said at the time of passing that the Ancient Greeks would ask "Did they have passion?". Julie had this in abundance and was able to help share it with us all. For that I will be eternally grateful that she was in my life if only as an inspiration and an example of what a human should be.

A little BFL related humor...

For years I enjoyed the strip Liberty Meadows in the newspapers the author, Frank Cho, ended it to pursue bigger and better projects (Superman, Batman, Spiderman, etc) and additionally felt it had run it's course. The setup is an animal sanctuary call Liberty Meadows and it's sort of a mix of Bloom County and Calvin and Hobbes depending on which Characters were in the strip that day. Essentially it's Frank the Vet, Brandy the Animal Psychiatrist, Julius the Director, Dean the Male Chauvenist Pig/Former College Mascot, Leslie a hypochondriatic bullfrog, Ralph a midget circus bear, a psychotic cow, a duck named Truman and a weiner dog named Oscar. Frank Cho is an amazing artist and pop culture guru. He makes the woman look like Jessica rabbit and the men about as handsome as Elmer Fudd. I've posted a few of my favorite strips that I feel are BFL or Jeremy related. Also you like them, the strip can still be seen in reruns online here. Hope you enjoy!!

This is the real reason I go to the gym...to see Gym Girl :)



And pretty much what is going to happen to me if I ever see Gym Girl again :)

And we also Welcome FV Tom to our program...

Well it's blogtastic here today folks I've already outed aerialelf and now I'm gonna do the same for FV Tom who is another BFL Tracker getting into the blogging community. Take a moment to stop by and say hello to him as well as he was one of those folks posting on Christies blog a few days ago seeing what he could do to tame the tracker a bit. Welcome Tom!!

A New BFL Tracker Blogger...

Everyone I'd like you to check out a new blogger that I've invited to join our community....arielelf aka Jennifer A on the BFL tracker. She's from Canada and has been in the support forums with us and making some great BFL progress as well. Check out her blog and lets welcome her to our little community. If the link doesn't work then copy and past the link below...

http://arielelf.blogspot.com/

10 Things I know about myself

Things I think about when I can't get any sleep...A Jeremy Original

1. A Monistat 7 or Get Tested for HIV banner add will pop up everytime that a really cute girl looks at my profile. Killing any chance I have to be witty and charming.
2. 12 Jack and Cokes will never change the laws of physics should you flirt with the girlfriend a 6'8" 350 pound football player at your local bar. The pain is just delayed until you come out of the coma.
3. Somewhere there is intelligent life looking at this planet, seeing me trip, tear down the curtains in my living room while simultaneously flinging hot coffee onto my freshly starched white shirt and with a resigned sigh are reporting to their superiors that the search for intelligent life in this universe continues.
4. My cat is planning my untimely demise
5. When Hell freezes over I'll be rich, good looking and have my final manuscript ready to submit to a publisher.
6. I'm the product of a drunken one night stand between Murphey's Law and Instant Karma.
7. The warm spot on the back of my head isn't sunlight but the reflection from that hitman's sniper scope letting me know all to late that the public library is too damn serious about that overdue library book.
8. Reading about Freddie Prinze Jr. causes kidney stones.
9. Blogs, IMDB.com and comic books are just another shadow government conspiracy designed to keep me from Nobel Prize winning work.
10. An autographed copy of my profile picture will get you 2 bucks on ebay and executed in most of South America.

So sue me...

I was feeling creative tonight and maybe a tad handsome for the first time in years...so you folks get the benefits of my handiwork.

Back to the gym today...

Well folks I made it back and I feel tremendous. The sickness lifted enough the last few days, I got some rest and did my HIIT today!! I was ready to puke the near the end of it and that tells me I did it right :) No gym girl sightings either but I'll keep you folks updated if and when I see her again...you can bet on that. I hope everyone is having a wondeful weekend and keep Julie Whitt in your thoughts and prayers today as she is currently in surgery down the street from me at Duke Hospital finally getting her new lungs.

Taking it up a notch...

Okay everyone loves the Jolly Roger and Supa K made an excellent point about keep the Jolly Roger under the armor so I opened a cafe press store to sell my Jolly Roger items and since this is a team effort I say we take the money and either donate to the Julie Whitt Fund, BUY the tracker from the webmaster or just send it to a particular worthy charity. The point being is that I want it to be completely non-profit!! I also think we should have a contest to design a "BLENDS" Icon and use the money for the cause as well. Seriously the store I made has hats, t-shirts, boxers and yes the dubious thong underwear ;) It's a ton of classy products...even greeting cards we can send to the enemy!! Take a look around and lets have some fun !! I've also changed the Jolly Roger on my links page to go to that store. You can also click here and that will take you as well!!

Whoops

Some with a Yahoo ID sac tried to add me a few minutes ago...if that was on you guys let me know...I'm not sure what happened...try it again lol

Back to the juicy stuff...

This maybe a little long so just play along...mmmkay?

Okay well no new updates on the gym girl. I took the advice and asked around at the gym and the general reply was either "who?" or "Dude we have lots of cute blonde haired girls here" so I'll have to let fate guide me on this one yet again. In regards to the ex gf calling me out of the blue I simply wrote her a nice email thanking her for the apology, telling her that I've been working out and losing weight and then said Happy Holidays and signed off. I realized that she had to eat a lot of crow to call me and apologize and I respected that, but I couldn't help letting her know that I had moved on, that I looked fantastic and then simply saying goodbye and to enjoy the holidays. Maybe she's grown up and maybe not. But if she's wanting to at least be civil again with me it will be at a snails pace. I was telling Carol that if you've ever seen the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" then you will understand the love and the frustration of the relationship I had with her. She's a beautiful person who got me out of my shell and helped me in ways no one else had, but overall she wanted a more carefree and crazy life than I was prepared for and that grew into estrangement and eventually after we broke up resentment mixed with hurtful words. As many of you know it's hard to break up with someone and sometimes worse to lose all contact with them together. It's like someone out there in the world that knows all of your secrets and dreams and most of all YOU and you have no connection with them anymore. I miss her yes...but I don't miss the pain, drama and the inability for things to be stable for any period of time. The sex was incredible but sadly that only keeps you together so long.

So in light of the absence of the gym girl and the ex calling me I decided to take Bev's advice from a while back and try online dating again. I honestly loathe it because I feel like I'm having to sell myself on a large scale and I'm not much of a salesperson. It is amusing in that some of the women I've dated in the past are apparently on these sites again and have been floating me some compliments on how much weight I've lost and how great the hair looks. Man why didn't I do BFL years ago? To say the least that's motivated me to get back on track a little more as if I'm getting the looks now just imagine what kind of looks I'll get once I'm fully recovered from the cold and back in the gym again :) I have to admit it's weird to take compliments on my physical appearance. Aside from my deep blue eyes no one really has complimented me on my body. I've always had to have a REALLY strong personality and a great sense of humor for the most part or be the guy you got to know really well and them whammo I'm attractive. It never bothered me because I was always happy with the results I had then. Now all of a sudden I'm feeling attractive and then getting onsolicited compliments and well...for those of you that give me compliments and I haven't given you a resounding thank you belive me it's appreciated I'm just not used to it. I'll work on that.

Lastly put not leastly I wanted to say thanks to all of you that have IM'd or emailed with me today. It's been wonderful to interact with you all away from the blog and in real time. You're all wonderful people and I appreciate it. You're all on my buddy lists as well so I'll keep a watchful eye out for you and now I'm just a click away if you're bored at work!! So keep the emails and IM's coming and hopefully I'll have some juicier stuff to report as soon as I can.

Christie wants YOU to help reclaim the tracker!!

Please read Christie's blog today as she is planning a coup on Jan 2 to take back the BFL tracker. She's starting an army to help her and I think it's a WONDERFUL idea. If you're interested go to your nearest recruiter and sign up :)

Back to the task...

Yesterday's drama on the BFL tracker was quite a fun experience to watch but I neglected work and a few other things and was paying for it today with being behind on everything else. But hey it was worth it. Well after speaking with so many of you the last few weeks and getting to know you all a lot better I was thinking I would throw out my Yahoo and AOL messenger screen names if you're interested. I'll try and set a spot for them on my links as well but the few I've tried to add there were dissapointing. So those of you that use them and just want to chat sometime here they are:

AIM: jsturoy
Yahoo: stuart_7777
Email: stuart_7777@yahoo.com

I'm usually tied to my computer at work 12 hours a day so sadly the IM and email are usually my only form of communication with this shift so I'll probably be around.

Also I was thinking about some avatars/icons/caricatures of all of us. It really hit me when I found the Joan of Arc picture that I dedicated to Suzanne/Moggie and started thinking of some amusing ones for others that I talk to here and with your kind permission I think I may start posting some that I find appropriate as long as everyone understands that it's in good nature fun. Let me know what you think. I'm off to bed.

Yar!! Avast Ye Scury Dogs!!!

Okay I couldn't resist...I had to make it because...well it's appropriate!! Feel free to put it on your blog if you like it :)

For Suzanne our Savior...

Thanks Moggie!! You know she even looks like you :)

The Revolution has started without me...

Wow...Suzanne/Moggie jumped in with both feet!! YOU GO GIRL lol!! Oh man this is better than morning coffee...

If you don't know what I'm talking about check out the OT thread label called Crossing the Line
on the BFL Tracker written by Suzanne/Moggie....feel free to jump in...she may need reinforcements lol!!

Hell has frozen over...

Wow. I'm still stunned. I knew my life was going a little too drama free to not have this come back and hit me out of left field. My ex girlfriend...Laurel...just called me a few minutes ago and apologized for how shitty and crazy she had been acting up to the point that we stopped speaking to each other this past September. I'm not really sure what to make of it. She's living in Colorado with her boyfriend so I can't think it's a ploy to get me back. I can't see why her apologizing to me helps anything in her life. I can't figure it out...she's usually not one for ulterior motives either but I can't help but think in her case that one exists. Then again maybe she's growing up and realized that a lot of what happened back in September was rather petty and silly. Either way it was an unexpected and emotional kick in the gut I wasn't expecting. She called me at work which meant I had absolutely no time and more importantly no privacy to communicate with her. I was a complete loss for words to be sure and even now I'm stumbling for an emotional "righting" on how I feel about this. Ugh.

Maybe she couldn't resist the new haircut and hot body I'm making for myself :)

Bleah

Oh man...

I totally Blame Bubblebutt for this one...

Your Pimp Name Is...

Ribbed Pump

What's" Your Pimp Name?

RECLAIM THE BFL TRACKER!!!!

This post is meant in the spirit of helping your fellow BFLers out and is not meant to be preachy at all...just thought it might be a nice gesture in the season of giving :)

Okay I decided to check back in on the tracker tonight and was just blown away by the hate and negative comments by someone named hotforme. It really frustrates the hell out of me when people have to get into a forum that is full of love and support (and yes talk of sex, penises, vaginas, TOM and whatever else) and try to just really HATE on some people. I know Lori posted a reply to kmachate's post and I added my .02 as well but overall I found all of you on the tracker and hate what it's become. I won't leave it because frankly I love the duality of my interaction there for general BFL support and my interaction here because I can show you my dandy new haircuts and read about all the hot sex :) But everyone that I interact with here in the blog community is spoken of with nearly god/goddess-like status when they mention how much each and every one of you has helped them with support. If I hadn't interacted with most of you on the tracker at one time or another I would still be knee deep in McDonalds and back up to 230 lbs or more by this time.

I think it would be great to reclaim the tracker!! Maybe if everyone found just one person to help out with encouragement and support through PM's or just responding to their forums it might help. I'm actually less concerned with the tracker itself but more concerned with the people like myself who use it for support and are getting suffocated by hateful comments. People who are starting out and trying to stick with the program and are finding mixed messages on that site and perhaps are leaving and I suspect eventually giving up because they feel so alone and jaded. I've taken it upon myself to mentor a few newbies and direct them to the blogs as a supplemental support group as well and find that it's keeping them in the game for the most part. For me the people that kept me going initially were Lori (sweetemotion), Jennifer (Dreamcatcher) and her husband Bobby, Sylvia (cookie1135), Ursula and Kerry. They took the time to PM me or just respond to my posts and it was wonderful...it was the little things like that which kept me in the gym. Once I got her on the blogger I found and wonderful new group of friends who have not only supported me in BFL but in life in general and you've all been wonderful.

So I say lets all pick a newbie or start adding 2-3 replies a day to the tracker and see if we can make it a better place again as I know all of you that haven't been there in a while are loved and missed!! I'm working with a girl in Alabama named daisy23 on the tracker and I know she has been the beneficiary of Lori and Jennifer's advice as well. I see a lot myself in her and I have taken it upon myself to check up on her like many of you did for me. Maybe we can start a BFL tracker Big Brother/Big Sister club and keep all of them interested positive and healthy and reclaim the tracker for everyone to enjoy again!! Don't do it for the tracker...do it for those who need our support because one time you were just like them...someone who needed a step up when you might not have known where else to go.

Love from the biggest idiot of all of us...me :)

New Haircut...feeling much better...

Okay ladies and gentleman I have a new haircut and I think it looks great!! This is the first time in a LOOOOOOOOOONG time I've been happy about my hair. Comments are appreciated...especially the ones that tell me I'll be knocking the ladies dead :) Otherwise I'm recovering from the cold and funk that's killed weeks 7 and 8 and hope to finish this weekend strong by doing some cardio and maybe a circuit set around the gym on both LBWO and UBWO just to clear out the cobwebs. Thanks to all of you that sent me the kind words...it's been a downer having work while I'm sick and then being waaaaay to wiped out to workout. I'm starting to feel a lot better now. For now I decided to post a few silly pics...enjoy.

The AW SHIT Trifecta....

Well yesterday continued the trend of crappy events keeping me down. I list them in order.

# 1 - I left for work without my meals, my wallet or my cold medicine. So I've eaten like crap, taken a really lousy cold medicine and had to borrow money for dinner.. These aren't bad things seperately but in conjunction make me feel like a moron. Also the fact that I would need to go to the store and get food and meds means I would need to go all the way home, passing the store in order to get my wallet and then drive right back to the store which in my stuffy headed cold like condition, especially late at night, would be rather daunting to say the least.

# 2 - I ate a fucking burger from Wendys and it made me feel even worse

# 3 - Okay so the bad came in three's...I would have updated this last night but as I'll explain below it wasn't possibly at the time. Soooo...I get home, get in the shower and half way in the shower the power goes out. Bam!! No lights, no electricity and most importantly NO HEAT!! Needless to say the shower turned bloody freezing and I got right out, find bundled up and lit a candle hoping it was a temporary situation. It was not and thus I spent most of the night in full clothing bundled up, even Charly decided it was too cold to sleep on top of me so at some point she burrowed under the covers with me. It was miserable!! It reminded me of the time in 2002 when Chapel Hill was hit by the ice storm and we were without power for nearly 5 days and the worst part about that for me was the fact that I had a head cold, chest cold, chest pains, acid reflux, diarhhea, upset stomach and a UTI all during the power outage. Well I found out today that the cause of the outage was a car hitting a pole near the complex and that it should be done as of this writing. I would have gone to the gym, but guess what? Gym was on the same power grid as my apartment. Fuck a doodle doo.

I haven't been to the gym since last week and my eating has completely fallen off the map. I feel like complete ass with this cold/flu whatever and I'm really feeling like I'm failing myself on the BFL plan. Obviously these are events partially beyond my control, but it's the feeling of having my head up my ass about the things under my control that's pissing me off the most. Bleah...if I had the option I would crawl back into bed but that's not an option to day!! I'll try to post something amusing later on to cleanse everyone's palatte of this ridiculously awful turn of events :)

FINALLY!!

Well folks sprinkle me with congratulations. I'm officially promoted as of last Thursday...I've been told I was getting this since August and was finally crowned today. Offical date and time of coronation will soon follow :)

Okay I can't keep it in anymore...

I won't tell you the whole story but the events of last night were just too "Blog-Tastic" to pass up. Let's just say that my friends and I added a whole new dimension to the joke "So a minister walks into a bar..." and had I posted the entire details on BFL tracker a few of those easily offended might have actually put a contract on my life!! Just remember folks if you're around my friends and I at a bar...best not to tell us you're a man of the cloth and not expect us to lead you into temptation. I'm so going to Hell.

Week 7 crash and burn...

Ugh...okay confession time folks. I've been to the gym once this week and aside from monday thru wednesday I've either eaten like crap or none at all...not to mention the large amount of drinking. I went to a funeral on Friday for someone who I only knew for a short time in my life but had an amazing impact on it and it was an emotional moment for me as he became yet another in a line of surrogate grandfather types that I've collected wise sage-like advice from over the years in addition to an incredible amount of decency and selflessness. Someday I may speak of my grandparents but I'm not sure I can do that at this time as some wounds are very deep and sometimes I find if you can't say anything nice, at times even though it's more than justified, it's best not to say them at all. Let's just say that my mother's parents are dead to me and my father's parents were dead before I really knew them. So all in all I was without that grandfatherly/grandmotherly advice and sought it from others like my friend's grandfather.

I don't know what stopped me from the gym this week but once I had to deal with his death and the funeral and other preparations I just seemed to slip into a depression coupled with two nights of drinking (nothing crazy just a little too much both nights) and bad eating and just laying around debating numerous large decisions I've been rolling around in my head for a while, some of which I mentioned in my last post. The BFL challenge has been a wonderful program for me and it's allowed me to see glimpses of not only what I can be physically, but what I can begin to accomplish in other areas of my life as well. I'm turning into a new person which is terribly exciting and frightening at the same time as it's like being a child again and trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. I know a number of people who leave abusive relationships have some form of identity crisis with their new found freedom from that nightmare and I guess I have been freeing myself from years of self abuse and self loathing in one form or another. It's weird because I have to forgive myself for the abuse and love the new me which...well that's pretty hard to get my head around at times.

Overall I'm okay, just sort of scared at times when I realize I have all this power that I didn't realize. Of course the old saying "With great power comes great responsibility" comes into play, but very few comforting words come to mind for me when I think of how nervous actually living my life the way I've always dreamed is. I'm worried about the old ways of self sabotage and not giving myself credit where it's due. I have wonderful gifts that I've never really taken advantage of, not because of laziness or lack of ability, but because I've been too afraid to do them and that's something I'm working on changing. All I can say is that I'm doing the best I can in life and I think over the last few months I've been doing a lot more positive than negative and for that I'm very proud of myself and I thank each and everyone of you that I interact with for the times in my life for just allowing me to count you as friends.

I'm going fucking nuts....

Well I had the day off today to go to a funeral. It was a friends grandfather that I got to know and since I'm close to the family as well I decided that I would go. Well I get dressed today, ironed everything, looked nice, picked up my friend and we go to her grandparents house. Walk in the door and everyone is wearing sweatpants or jeans. The service is tommorow instead of today. Yeah.

Still haven't seen the cute girl from the gym anymore...then again I've only been to the gym once this week due to more work bullshit cutting into my time. For those of you that don't know, I work from 12 pm to about 12 or 1 am about 4-5 days a week. It's a bad shift not because of the hours, but because of when I work, as when I'm off of work everyone I know is either asleep or at work and thus I don't get any social interaction until the weekend. Soooo...I have to communicate with people via IM or email. Thus my normal everyday life has been reduced to a digital lifestyle and yes I realize that complaining about it on an online blog is just dripping with irony as well. I work hard at my job and I think I make a difference, however, it's hard to make new friends or more to the point maintain any kind of dating relationship when I can't talk to them during the week face to face or just hear their voice.

I know that a lot of people and indeed some of you may have the same problem but lately the frustration has really been getting to me as I can't meet people unless, you guessed it, the spend most of their time online as well and frankly I'm in front of a computer all day as it is and the last thing I want when I get off of work is to get back on it at home to meet new people thru it. It's actually not a bad medium at all but it becomes see tedious and tiresome because you just don't get the same reaction from people over emails and IM that you do when you actually interact with them away from an electronic device.

I've been seriously debating leaving my job sometime this summer after all the bonuses get paid out and taking a possible layoff package and figuring out something else I would really like to do with my life. I make a really nice salary with my current position but I've come to the conclusion that the money is nice but I'm really not getting anything out of life these days but a paycheck and I'm missing out on so much and that's in addition to the fact that my job isn't terribly satisfying anymore. I no longer find anything fulfilling about fixing and maintaining networks for large, pissy, spoiled and otherwise ungrateful corporate customers who want nothing more than to find something wrong with anything in the way we operate in order to recoup any possible money. It's a twisted game of upper management needling that I've become an unwilling pawn of for a long time because they paid me to do it and I'm tired of it. I'd much rather make a smaller salary, do a job I love and enjoy the fruits of life and that's something that Body for Life has been teaching me: Anything is possible if you set you mind to it. So in the next few months I might either wind up changing jobs or finding something in this company that allows me to have a better balance of life and work as lately this isn't cutting it.

Now...back to the girl. I'm really really really hoping I see her again as I'm worried that she and I are on completely different schedules and just happened to be there at the same time. When I got to the gym I always see the same people at least once or twice a week if not more, in the 10 weeks I've been at my gym I've seen her once. This is kinda pathetic as everyone else has problems with their significant others that seem to at least be constructive in that they see and communicate with these people...I on the other hand am smitten by someone I may or may not see again which is yet another large piece of wood to beat my head on.

Okay I'm tired of venting. I'm going to head to bed now. Goodnight all.